It's Not My Time
by tjmack
Summary: Oneshot../AU/...What if Desmond had saved Charlie?


**A/N: This is my first time writing Fiction for Lost. I've just recently become a fan of the show, and felt a little saddened that they killed Charlie off. So I thought I'd write a What If kind of fiction.**

It's Not My Time

Summary/AU/ Set during Season Three's finale...What if Desmond had saved Charlie?

_**Part One: I Won't Let Go**_

Seeing Charlie's lifeless body in front of me, I now realize that I can't picture my life without him. He's been so good to me, to Aaron. I realize as I stand to the side, as Jack works hard to revive him that I love the man that lay dying in front of me. There I said it, I'm in love with Charlie Pace. Yeah, maybe he hasn't had the cleanest lifestyle, but he's changed, I can tell. He isn't the same person that was addicted to drugs just a few months earlier. 

I feel the tears slide slowly down my cheeks. I feel as they tickle their way down my cheeks and drip off my chin. I can't believe that I might lose him. After everything we've been through. With Ethan, and he survived that. I want to keep faith in Jack, I want to think that Jack can pull him back, bring him back to us, but the seconds tick by so fast. 

I feel Aaron stir in front of me, and my hand pulls back on the blanket that's covering him. He smiles at me, and I feel a renewed strength. I have to believe that Charlie can make it through this. Someone has got to keep the faith. I see Hurley slide down against a tree trunk, tears apparent in his eyes. Knowing instantly that he too has given up on Charlie. 

I feel an arm warm around my shoulders, and see Desmond standing beside me. I don't really know why he's standing there. I'm just thankful that he was able to get Charlie out, at least then he had more of a chance then he would have if he would have been trapped in the underwater hatch. He leans in toward my ear, like he's keeping a secret, a secret only I can hear. I rearrange Aaron so that Desmond can move a little closer, I feel that what he wants to say is something I need to hear.

"He did it for you and Aaron," Desmond said before pulling away, and moving forward a bit to get a better look.

That was it, that's what he had to keep a secret. Then the truth of his words hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel like I might fall over, but am capable of keeping my balance. It was a sucide mission. Charlie knew he would die, and for some reason he felt like he needed to die to save me...me and Aaron. I hadn't even noticed the new tears that caused fresh tear tracks down my reddened cheeks. I pull Aaron up by my shoulder, sobbing quietly against his side, as I pat his back. Kate walks up beside me, I know what she's asking without her asking it. While most times I would just figure out a way to cry and hold Aaron, but I can't account for my balance right now, so I hand him to her. I cup my hands to my mouth and whisper a quiet prayer for Charlie, before sitting down beside Hurley. I just need to feel the comfort of another friend, and I know Hurley is hurting as bad as I am. He puts an arm around my shoulders, letting me sob into his chest. I hear myself whisper over and over, I won't let go, and I won't. 

_**Part Two: Forgive Me**_

I stand at a distance, not wanting to get too close. I know it's my fault that Charlie is dying. I should have never told him what I saw in my vision. I knew that he would do whatever he could to save Claire and Aaron. Charlie's a good guy like that. It's just, I can't help but feel responsible for it. I see Claire, tears falling stead fast from her eyes. My heart breaks for her, and then Hurley, one of Charlie's friends is sobbing uncontrollably right in front of me. I wonder softly to myself why I let him do it, why I let him go in there alone. No, I should have done something, should have made it impossible for Charlie to go into the control room at all. If I had, then Charlie wouldn't be fighting for his life, and Claire wouldn't have the look of utter heartbreak on her face. 

I know that I have to tell her, that I have to let her know that if he dies, that he did it for her and Aaron. She should know, it's only fair. I just have to wonder if that would just cause her more heartbreak than she's already experiencing. I go against my better judgement and walk up beside her. My arm slips around her shoulders to let her know I'm there. I lean in closer to her ear, I don't want anyone else knowing what Charlie did, not yet. She shifts little Aaron in her arms, and I move in closer, my lips merely inches from her ear, and I whisper those seven words, and watch as she stares ahead blankly. I don't think that what I've told her has sunk in just yet.

Unfortunately I'm right, I barely get turned to see her, and I see her stutter step backwards a little bit, before she catches herself. A fresh batch of tears falling from her eyes, and I see Kate approach her. Good thinking Kate, I don't think she's stable enough to hold onto little Aaron. She slowly hands him to Kate, before backing against the tree that Hurley is sitting against, sliding down beside him. He comforts her, she falls against his chest, as hard violent sobs rack her body. 

I feel tears falling from my eyes too. All of this heartache, and it's all my fault, I just hope they all can forgive me. I look back at Charlie, and see some movement. I just hope that Jack hasn't given up on him.

_**Part Three: It's Not My Time**_

Jack backs away from Charlie slowly. He motions with his hands for everyone else to back away. 

I try to sit up but feel as if my chest is on fire. It burns so badly, it feels like I've swallowed the entire ocean in one gulp. I notice immediately that I am in fact alive, but with how I feel right now, I almost wish I wasn't. I see Jack back up slowly, motioning for everyone else to do the same. 

Desmond, he most of found a way into the control room, he saved me. _Dammit_, I scream in my head. If I didn't die, then Claire and Aaron. They won't be safe, they won't get off this god-forsaken island. I take a couple of deep breaths, and sit up. Tears build up in my eyes, I can feel them. As I locate Claire, her body shaking violently, she appears to be sobbing. I've hurt her, and I didn't even mean too. I never thought how the news of my death would hurt her. 

I see Jack coming back towards me, I try to stand up, but almost fall down. Not quite ready for that just yet. Jack grabs my wrist, apparently checking my pulse. He's mumbling on about something, but the only thing I can focus on is Claire crying over me. I realize in this moment, just how much I love her. I kind of figure that I did, I mean why else would I be willing to die? 

Suddenly my vision to Claire is cut off slightly as Jack waves his hand in front of my face. I assume I should say something so he'll leave me alone. I just want to go to Claire and hug her tightly. I open my mouth, but find it quite difficult to force anything that remotely sounds like words out of my mouth. I take another deep breath and ready myself. I open my mouth and pop out the one word that I want.

"Claire," I say, and see Jack's eyes light up. 

He knows I'm okay, and hopefully someone will go get Claire and bring her to me...since it appears that my legs aren't ready for a walk right now. I notice Jack talking to Juliet, and pointing in the direction of Claire. Yes Juliet, go get Claire, go bring her to me. 

She runs off toward Claire, and I can feel myself get excited. I don't want her crying or hurting anymore. I just want to wipe away her tears. 

I see Claire's head lift off Hurley's chest, and whip in my direction. We lock eyes, before she jumps up from her spot and sprints off toward me. She flings her body into my arms, I hold her tightly, trying to ask her not to cry anymore. She pulls back, tears still in her eyes, she leans down and gently kisses my lips. Yes this feels right, I'm almost glad I didn't die. Now, even if on this island, I can spend time with Claire and Aaron. I guess Desmond was wrong, it's just not my time.


End file.
